It's 5am and I'm writing a blog with no pictures.
Not because I don't love blogs-with-pictures, but because I have been dancing around the blog-writing thing for weeks now, and it's time to write the damn blog and not worry about taking the right pictures for it.
Of course, this is also the blog-with-no-theme, the-blog-with-no-planning, the-blog-I'm-writing-because-it's-time-to-JUSTDOIT. It's the blog I'm writing in the name of facing hesitation and fear in the face and saying "no, thank you." We all get stuck there sometimes, amIright??
Background: I took a small step back from the pressures of building my own business for a few months because a few things happened:
1. I had a PICC line placed in my left arm. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a Peripherally-Inserted-Central-Catheter. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically an IV that gets inserted into a vein in your arm and travels around your shoulder and right to the tippy-top of your heart. You inject antibiotics (or whatever medication) into the part sticking out of your arm where it travels through the tube and empties into your bloodstream for a more effective, high-powered dose that crosses the blood-brain barrier (which oral antibiotics can't do). I'll have this baby in for another 6 weeks (it's been 6 already) and it's my last-ditch effort (nothing is ever my last-ditch effort but this is a pretty powerful shot) to reduce my Lyme Disease down to a pulp. More on this later, or in another blog with pictures.
(NOTE: I actually DO have a picture for this. I took a photo of the PICC line shortly after it was inserted and have it floating around on my phone somewhere. It might gross you out but it's also kind of badass).
2. I got overwhelmed. I love Evolve Well, and I want to make this my JOB (not just a hobby), but it takes a lot of work to get a business off the ground. I'm all for hard work, but between being a Mom of two kids under 5, working my regular Occupational Therapist job on weekends, and dealing with the full-time-job that is Lyme Disease management (admittedly my quest to find answers and explore all sorts of alternative healing treatments is self-perpetuated), and some other life issues we all have going on in our backgrounds, the scales were starting to tip. So I had to take a Time Out. Hit the PAUSE* button).
*I struggle with hitting the PAUSE button. Makes me feel guilty about something. This is an old cognitive file that kicks in whenever I retreat from anything, because I have this silly schema in my head that thinks "to pause" means "to give up." A big "FAIL" stamp tattooed across my forehead. Insert devil on my shoulder with her arms folded, shaking her head, saying "I knew you couldn't do it." Do you have this ridiculous lady on your shoulder? I'm doing some cognitive rewiring (amazing stuff!!) to get rid of her. More on cognitive rewiring later.
I'm feeling re-centered now.
And so, ladies and gentlemen (there are some men out there, which is cool), I am back. It's hard to jump back in to something after that PAUSE we spoke about. It becomes scary again. The "What-Ifs", the doubt. But I don't retreat from fear and doubt--I wake up at 5 in the morning* and say "I'm writing that blog today."
*I did not set my alarm or anything like that. A cool little side effect of eating healthy is that my body clock aligns with the sun, so I tend to go to bed early and wake up early. Used to be a night-owl. This shift into morning-person-ism is one of my favorite things. Waking up and being productive with my cup of coffee before the rest of the house is awake is THEBESTTHING.
A few notes on my upcoming content. My focus is shifting a bit, so here is what you can look forward to:
- More balance. I am embracing life beyond rules right now.
- Cognitive strategies around disordered eating patterns and anxiety. Both of which I have dealt with. I really connect to those of you who also deal with this and kind of feel like it's my niche, so I want to explore that.
- Recipes! Of course, more recipes.
- Honesty. I still feel like I'm finding my voice here. I might get more vulnerable on you, it just feels more authentic. I suspect you will relate more to a real-life Stef, albeit an EvolveWellStef.
OK so this blog was as much (more) for me as it was for you, but I hope it inspires you to face whatever small fear you're having today (you all have one) so you can get out there and be like Nike. It doesn't have to be perfect. This blog doesn't even have a picture.
Just do it.